Very Classy: Even More Exceptional Advice for the extremely modern lady – Derek Blasberg

In today’s climate, being a lady (or indeed, a gentleman), are not high priorities on most peoples lists. Whether you are looking at fashion, television, music or the internet, it seems young ladies are encouraged to emulate the promoted lifestyles of reality TV stars, D list celebrities and stars of sex tapes. It’s hard to find an Audrey, Rita or Marilyn among the crowd (although even these stunning starlets were considered less ladylike during their day). You are more likely to find role models in the shapes of Rihanna, Nicki Minaj and Snooki than anyone of true morals, values, style or class.

Blasberg is revisiting and updating his first best-selling work, Very Classy and this time he has a few new comments…

You might wonder what a man knows about what makes a woman classy, and though your grandmother may know more, Derek has surrounded himself with enough fashionistas to understand both the basics, and the intricacies of what transform a woman into a lady.

Derek begins by stating that a previous car crash (such as Nicole Ricci) can uncover her inner lady, and a lady can revert to, what Derek refers to, as a tramp.

And therein lies the rub with Derek’s narrative style. He is irritatingly unlikeable. I am still unsure, having finished reading, whether Derek is gay or straight. The issue with Derek’s writing style is that it comes across as pompous, patronizing, ‘trying too hard’ and also faintly misogynistic. I don’t believe for a second that Derek is a misogynist, in fact I believe he loves women, but he throws around words like ‘skank’ far too often, despite criticising the fact that girls themselves often refer to each other with these insults. It seems Derek is simply perpetuating very unladylike (and ungentlemanly) behaviour in his depiction of two sharp contrasts of women…ladies and tramps (otherwise known as the Madonna/Whore complex…a woman is either an angel or a prostitute). Derek is not a true gentleman, so why is he telling women how to be ladies?

Derek also belongs to a world of crazy parties, mad money and celebrity friends, meaning that the average girl who wants to be more ladylike might find it difficult to truly take much from Derek’s materialistic, vapid world. The book is littered with pictures of Derek fawning over Hollywood stunners like a drunk deer desperate for attention and most of the women in the pictures don’t particularly look like endearing young ladies, but like posers, with stony, unsmiling faces and ‘over the shoulder’ glances that look practised rather than natural.

That’s not to say that this book does not have its bonuses.

For those looking to brush up on their manners, there are sections dedicated to wardrobe essentials, such as big sunglasses, LBD’s and trench coats, how to host dinner parties, set tables and establish themes, the perfect pictorial poses, and lists of movies and music, as well as artists, poets and theatrical productions, to set the tone of a true lady.

Although there are a few gems located within, I found the book a little too pandering. I think every girl is better when she treats herself like a lady, but we also have to move with the times and understand that if we were all to behave in a truly ladylike fashion, we wouldn’t be doing very much at all! Although Derek discourages this and actively encourages women to intermingle their individuality with their ladylike habits, it begins to feel like being a lady requires too many shallow affectations rather than a true reflection of character. For instance, he decries a woman who would wear casual clothing to an airport (totally negating that a woman might want to fly for comfort or relaxation). He also makes frequent references to celebrity friends who supposedly look like ladies but essentially aren’t which to me defeats the purpose of the book. There’s no point acting like a lady if you aren’t one. Derek seems to focus too much on the frock and the company you keep as well as ridiculous statements like leaving parties at the peak of your enjoyment just to preserve a little mystique, rather than the quality of the character within. What’s the point of being a lady if you are obsessed what others think of you and can have no fun?

If you want to learn how to set a table, wear a scarf in several ways and tackle relationships the ladylike way, this book is useful and a funny, witty read, but for me the author was unlikeable, a little too derogatory and up himself and essentially, most girls know what it means to be a lady, if and when they want to be.

If you really want to know how to turn on the lady like charm, turn to your grandma’s or the screen sirens of yesteryear, but most importantly…be comfortable being who you are, and if that means sitting in your tracksuit bottoms snuggled up on the sofa, well there’s nothing wrong with that!

Derek seems to confuse class with posing, expensive clothes and being seen with the right people always doing the right thing, rather than a true expression of the inner self, and for a supposed expert on class, he is nothing but crass!

Note to Derek; maybe write a book about being a gentleman next time?

Room – Emma Donaghy

“When I was a little kid I thought like a little kid, but now I'm five I know everything” - Jack

Jack has lived in ‘Room’ for all of his five years. He has only existed between a space measuring 11’ x 11’. He has never seen the outside world apart from the brief glimpse offered by the skylight above him. He and his ma live a life of routine; food, games and play time, occasionally interspersed with a ‘gone’ day where mum zones out, despondent in bed, and the nights whereby Nick, the nightly visitor ‘bounces on the bed with mum’ (Jack counts the bounces from his hiding space in the cupboard).

‘Room’ is so uniquely intriguing because it is told from the perspective of five year old Jack, with his limited yet evocative grasp of the English language. He knows nothing of the world beyond his small room, where his mother has been held captive, kidnapped in her nineteenth year, for seven years. Jack’s innocence and acceptance of his plight contrast with his mother’s ability to raise him to be her saviour whilst tolerating the abuse of her abductor.

Donaghy has a very spellbinding ability to capture the language, thoughts, fears, concerns, interpretations and acceptances (as well as the curiosity) of a young child, capturing a very effervescent and gold hearted boy in the character of Jack whilst ma is courageous, a lioness with a game plan.

The language at times, as we learn of Jack and Ma’s fate, can be somewhat alienating. After all, we are used to reading books written from an adult perspective, for adults, but here we are reading young Jack’s interpretations of the world around him. Nonetheless, the simplicity but sheer imagination of the language doubled with the claustrophobic horror of their plight, make a very powerful contrast. If this merely written as an abduction tale, it would be powerful, but also sinister, creepy and eerie. Jack’s cheery innocence manages to make it something more than that – a human tale of survival in unusual odds. Jack's naivety and simple understanding stop things from getting too dark and dingy.

The suffocation of the mediocrity, repetition and imprisonment of their day to day life’s is also intriguing as we share Jack’s joy of habitual, repetitious, consistent routines, and Ma’s façade, using their play both as a way to pass the day and to raise a possible hero.

Unfortunately, numerous media stories have revealed horrifying occurrences of real individuals locked in basements as powerless amusements for their tormentors. This lends ‘Room’ a powerful relevancy and currency, making it far too relatable, as we suffer Ma’s desperation and bravery, and Jack’s meek and mild comprehension of the situation he has been born into.

Recommended by Richard and Judy’s Book Club, Room is a pleasurable, but not escapist read about the powerful, unbreakable bond between mother and son, and the necessity for tenacity, formidable will and admirable courage that is essential for survival. At its core, it’s a story of love and the connection between a mother and her child and how that love can survive and rise above all evils.

The Body Shop – Indian Night Jasmine – Jasmin De Nuit D’Inde – Eau De Toilette

The ancestor of this product, Neroli Jasmin Eau De Toilette, has sadly been discontinued. I say sadly because this delicious product was a sexy slam on the senses; feminine, powerful, sizzling but also zesty and fresh. The vibrant orange of the bottle dictates that the product would be fruity and juicy, but the ingredients also lend themselves to romantic scenes such as midnight canoe trips and sojourns on the beach. There was something so fabulously, exotically, erotically intoxicating about it making it so exciting to where!

For whatever reasons, The Body Shop decided to discontinue this fragrance. I truly will never understand the decisions of big bosses! Nonetheless, the scent has been replaced by one designed to be almost identical – Indian Night Jasmine.

What is an eau de toilette?

Eau de toilettes are less concentrated versions of perfumes. They are essentially subtly perfumed water. Eau de parfum is slightly more concentrated whilst parfum (or perfume) has the highest concentration making it the most potent of the three. Eau de toilettes are useful for those who like lighter, subtler scents, notes and accords, as you can literally apply them moderately after showering.

What’s the story?

The Body Shop have recently launched a new range entitled ‘Scents of the World’. This scent pertains to the mystery and intrigue of India with all of its courtship and charisma and none of its bustle! It contains jasmine, sandalwood, orange blossom and violet leaves.

Bottle design:

A translucent, lightly tinted bottle decorated with vivacious jasmine blooms and containing 50 ml of delicious, delirium inducing scented water. The silver cap releases a spritz with a light push. It’s a very attractive, feminine, romantic bottle which hints at a fun, frivolous and seductive scent inside. Its square block-like shop gives it a slightly more severe, but elegant edge.

Scent:

This scent really seduces and enchants the nostrils. It’s delicate, but memorable. Undoubtedly female but powerful. It’s the smell of the seductress. It really conjures images of moonlit mermaids and sun splashed sirens to me. It’s a dainty scent that also really gets into you. When I catch a whiff of this on myself or my clothes, it’s like I fall a little in love. It’s fun loving but also mysterious. It’s just a really gorgeous, sweet and heady scent that nonetheless has a subtlety to it – what a paradox!

Durability:

This scent will linger long after you, oozing out of you like a sweet, sultry, seductive skunk! Really, it’s much less offensive than this. It’s dainty, girly but it clings to you, as if part of you, rather than as if you’ve bathed in it!

Affordability:

At £15, it’s not too bad. We’ve all come to expect that scents are somewhat of a luxury as they evoke elegance, class and our inner ladies. We can conjure characters through smell alone. It may be our most powerful sense, what with the intoxication of pheromones determining whether we feel chemistry with another or not.

Does it last?

This product has staying power if you apply if liberally. A little at the pulse points, behind the ears, on the neck or behind the knee, or as I was once advised, at the top of the thighs!

Would I repurchase?

YES. I love the Body Shop but I really adore this product! It’s the combination of quiet charm that builds into a near hysterical love affair. You’ll be a very popular girl indeed if you wear this!

Overall rating:

9.5/10

Johnson's Baby Oil: Aloe Vera & Vitamin E

Packaging: 125 ml in a translucent tube with a pastel green lid. A perfect, pocket-sized bottle, ideal for a handbag, work space or even a cup holder in your car!

Scent: Johnson's are renowned for their mild, 'baby' scents. This is a pleasant, light, lovely aroma. I've always found something very comforting about the scents of Johnson's products, possibly because I affiliate them with my own infanthood!

Texture: I find Johnson's oils so unique. It's almost like rainwater on the skin. It's best applied to skin up to three minutes after showering or bathing so as to lock in moisture and you can run it over your body like morning dew or drizzle in under 20 seconds and be shiny and soft as a new-born seal!

Price: 100 baht (equivalent of £2). Please check your relevant currency.

Bang for your buck: This is the original baby oil formula enthused with vitamin e, which prevents early rancidity of a product and aloe vera (a brilliant after sun skin soother). I adore Johnson's products and consider them a staple. Application is so effortless, the smell is lovingly pleasant and a little goes far.

Does it work?: This is one of the mildest and yet most powerful, not to mention cheapest of moisturisers, that I know of. The inherent purpose of a moisturiser is to do just that - moisturise - and Johnson's really lock in that moisture. I don't know anyone who dislikes or distrusts the Johnson's brand. I perceive it as the perfect moisturiser. A stranger even ran her hand up my arm and complimented me on how soft I was! Please be aware that Johnson's oil contains mineral oil which has been criticised as a pore blocking product. Although I've never noticed any blocked pores, it is of course essential that your skin is able to breathe. If you suffer with acne of the body or other skin conditions, I would not advise that you use this product. Furthermore, if you have oily or acne oriented skin on your face, do not use this product there as your pores will struggle!

Does it last?: You'll still be soft not only by the morning but for the entire day.

Would I repurchase?: Without a shadow of a doubt. I would recommend to anyone!

Overall rating: 9/10

Mistine Eye Gel With Cucumber

At the tender age of twenty three, I have already been bombarded with more beauty buys, quick fixes, celebrity staples, ageing essentials and revolutionary miracle products than it is financially possible to afford whilst still having the luxury to buy food and water (for survival and that).

The assault descends upon all senses and in every available medium. Surely I'm not the first to ascertain that half of Vogue consists of advertisements for physical beautification. The domain of beauty has exploded, eclipsing almost all else. In a social and cultural climate that perceives the natural and inevitable aging process as a kind of vampire that drains you of your youthful vitality as you sleep, and worships nubile youth as if Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez were Zeus and Hera, it's no wonder that in the ensuing storm cloud of 'God, I'm past it at 19' panic that women (and an ever increasing number of men) clamour at boutiques and beauty bars for that one god send that will eliminate all existing ageing and safeguard against the ever-looming process.

Most of the anti-aging brigade will be fully aware that the delicate, thin eye skin of the eye area is one of the first to betray the final flush of youth. Every time we smile, frown, or indeed show any expression, we are creasing the eye area. Experts consistently advocate the wearing of sunglasses to prevent squinting in direct, harsh sunlight and the regular application i.e. twice daily, morning and night, of thick moisturisers to hydrate this most vulnerable of areas, preventing the early onset of fine lines and wrinkles.

For any existing under or side eye crinkles, the moisturiser essentially acts as a lagoon over desert sands, penetrating inwards, plumping up and perishing signs of aging. This is usually only a temporary solution in combating the permanence of markings. Creams should be applied lightly, using the baby (pinky) finger so as to exert the least pressure. It goes without saying that skin should never be tugged or pulled, particularly here where the effects are likely to be most visible. After all, unless you lock yourself away in a room all day staring at the wall, you are going to be using your eyes to express yourself and communicate.

Given that I've exposed my skin to five months and counting of excessive sunshine and Miranda Kerr endorses an eye cream or gel as being one of her most essential youth investments, I picked up the titular product at a pharmacy in Koh Phangan, Thailand.

Scent

Frest and intoxicatingly natural, I'd say it encapsulates the love child of aloe vera and cucumber. It has a soothing, balmy scent.

Packaging

A miniscule white pot with a pastel green lid and simple flowing gold lettering. I picked this because it looked natural and simplistically fancy.

Price

Unhelpfully, I cannot recall exactly but I believe it was the equivalent of £6 in Thai baht.

Texture

As a gel it has the appearance of kids TV green gunge. The picture makes it look like a paradise to plunge your fingers into, but the reality is somewhat different. It looks like aloe vera gel with a thicker consistency, almost like a fairy with a massive head cold sneezed into the only available container.

Bang for your buck

The pot may be miserly but the inside looks like Scrooge himself filled it. The product was glooped together inside a quarter of the pot. Disconcerted at the abysmal emptiness before me and questioning if I'd actually inhaled half of it in my excitement at purchasing my first eye gel, I also found the sticky, gunge-like texture hard to apply in a gentle fashion. You either have to tug and try to smooth it on or apply the smallest possible amount known to man and 'leave it' to sink in itself. It looks and smells good but for such a small amount of product it was about as easy to apply as a top hat to a giant with nothing but a step ladder.

Does it work?

Despite the long list of disappointments this product was effective. Cucumber is renowned for it's recuperative properties for the eyes. Once you manage to get the product on, it leaves a refreshing film over the area that you can feel acting as a barrier and replenishing the skin. It feels good on the eyes and the following morning my eyes looked fresher, brighter, more youthful, smooth and relaxed. It has a calming, soothing effect on the skin.

Would I repurchase?

This product may have worked for me HOWEVER the meagre amount and tough application mean that you'd have better and cheaper results applying actual cucumbers to your eyes for twenty minutes or making your own gel using natural ingredients. No - I will not be repurchasing. As a suggestion to the manufacturers, I am not sure whether I just happened upon a poorly prepared pot, but if the consistency and texture of the gel was improved rendering easier application and the pot was filled to the brim (as images suggest it is), this product would be highly recommended.

Does it last?

You only need to use a little bit but the pot provides so little product in the first place that it won't last you long.

 

Overall rating: 3/10

Nivea Body UV Whitening Serum

Packaging: Nivea's presentation lends itself to bold blues and virginal whites. This particular product is housed in a triangular white squeezy tube for convenient deposit of serum. The colour scheme for Nivea always strikes me as being clinical and fresh. It lacks that 'you just must buy me' wow factor, but it's a clean, dependable range.

Scent: The first word that springs immediately to mind is unmemorable. It's a clean, soft and balmy but unremarkable scent. It's not the products high note. It didn't really smell of anything in particular. Perhaps I've been spoilt by perfumed products. I'd recommend this for those who like their scents subtle and inoffensive.

Texture: With the feel of fine milk, this product melts like liquid honey into the skin meaning no excessive rubbing or patting. This is my favourite aspect of the product. It's like a Cleopatra milk bath.

Price: 100 baht - the equivalent of £2. It would be worth checking your particular currency for an accurate cost.

Bang for your buck: Nivea is a widely respected and recognised highly endorsed range. Although I consider myself a fan of some of their products, others simply don't 'do' it for me. It's worth me mentioning at the time of writing that I am stationed in Thailand and the product details are predominantly written in Thai. I am also working from an irritatingly slow internet connection making thorough research of the product a difficulty. What I can decipher is that the product offers UB protection at SPF 25 and contains vitamin C. It is also a whitening serum. For those in the west adding self tan to products is the preferable modus operandi but in South East Asia, where ebony skins abound, the ideal is toward ivory flesh, of the 'falang' or their fairer skinned Asian counterparts, such as the Japanese and Koreans. I'm not entirely sure whether the purpose of the product is to lighten skin, protect fair skin or ease moles, freckles, tan lines and the like. 'Whitening' can seem to apply to many of these particular functions. It also has a long list of ingredients, some appealing (myrciaria dubia fruit juice) and others not particularly so (alcohol denat). It containts a useful pump disposal and a little product with it's milky texture feels light and measly compared to thicker creams.

Does it work? I did not use the product as a sunscreen, but as an after shower moisturiser. I noticed my skin was silky smooth with a glossy sheen. My skin wasn't lightened noticeably but it was a protected with no dryness or damage.

Does it last? I used this purchase up as quickly as I could so that I could move on to the next product, but I believe it would last for a significant period of time.

Would I repurchase? In a word, no. I liked the products milky sheen and protective properties but I simply wasn't 'blown' away by it. I like Nivea as a brand overall and the product is very softening but I am partial to other serums. I preferred the product when it had 'heated up' in the Surin warmth. it felt slicker, softer and more like a serum, initially slipping and sliding like a seal skin splashed with sea.

Final verdict: 7/10

A sunscreen for summer sea sirens: Ocean Potion Suncare: Broad Spectrum Sunblock SPF 50 Anti-Aging

I mentioned in a previous post my strict adherence to a skin care regime for the sun. Perhaps the single most dangerous destroyer of skin aside from nutrition and the quality of our air intake, marred by smoking and pollution, is the sun and its ability to speed up free radicals.

I always enjoy scouring the shelves for new sun screens and blocks. This is a review of my most recent sunscreen:

Packaging:
A long, thick, squidgy purple bottle, smothered in primary colours, it has a childlike, bold image.

Pricing:
360 baht which translates to roughly eight British pounds.

Bang for your buck:
The longevity of this product is astounding. It really lasts a long time easily allowing you twice a day full body application. It doesn’t specify that it can be used on the face but I encountered no problems using the product in this way. SPF 50 gives you strong protection and the product claims to be vitamin D3 fortified and paraben free. There is a lot of discussion around parabens in products you might want to read up on. The product also claims to be water and sweat resistant. In my opinion, no product truly can be and even if it was I’m not so sure that such persistent pore cloggage would truly be a good thing but there is real staying power here! The product also includes anti-oxidant vitamins and sea plant botanicals. With its vibrant colour scheme and squeezy bottle, it’s also, quite simply, fun to use!

Texture:
A thick, soft cream that literally rubs in in seconds. No need to harshly, aggressively tug at the skin to get the product inside of the skin.

Scent:
This is probably my favourite thing about the product…it smells heavenly! It’s so hard for me to describe the scent of this product because it also encapsulates that sun cream smell of summers and oceans. It’s got such a strong, zesty, vibrant, fruity smell like zest for life in a bottle. It’s almost like something you could eat! The scent stays with you as well rather than wears away.

Does it last?
Yes…for a long, long time.

Would I repurchase?
I already have. This is the first I’d heard of the range but I adore and will definitely be reusing. This is up there as one of my favourite sunscreens!